A Dangerous Secret
by Bracket the Indecie
Summary: Kavanaugh's got something over McKay. Something big. When life becomes too much for the isolated scientist, can he entrust his greatest friend with his problem, or drown in his own misery?
1. Chapter 1

"Just get out Zalenka." Rodney spat harshly and expelled the Czech from the lab. Bending over the console to let his head hang and sigh in exasperation, he contemplated the mess he would have to clear up. His 'partner' had been so clumsy that he had managed to spill scalding coffee all over the laptop they had been working on, the one that contained the magnus opus for the week on energy-saving and efficiency throughout the city. Unfortunately coffee and computers get on like a divorcing couple – they spit and spat until they give out and give up. Growling in frustration he slammed his fists down onto the edge of the console and took a few more deep breaths.

"So, the Czech finally ballsed up then?" Came the irritating and incomprehensibly arrogant smugness of Dr Kavanaugh. Rodney felt a slither of cold run through his at the presence of that man in the room and he lifted his head, turned it to look at the new comer and passed him a dark look.

"He's tired. Like everyone else. We're all finally becoming immune to caffeine." He said and looked away. The man sickened him.

"No, he's just crap. I don't know how he got on this expedition in the first place." He said, his rising intonation suggestive of his utter contempt for Zalenka. "Let me do this." He said, giving McKay no room for argument or appeal.

"I'd rather just get it done myself, if that's ok with you Kavanaugh." He tried, not wanting to be near the man, let alone having to work with him for the next week plus.

"I said I'll do it, McKay." He reiterated, with another contemptuous look. Rodney looked away, to make sure his face couldn't be seen and vented a tiny part of his anger and upset at the situation before slowly turning around and approaching the new computer designated for the job.

"Ok, last time, we started here, at the …" He pointed to the diagrams that had come up on the screen, but his hand was waved away by Kavanaugh, and Rodney recoiled it sharply almost through fear of catching something from the other man.

"No, I think we should begin the program from here, a completely new approach is needed…"

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Two weeks later the replacement was finished. The night before it was submitted to Elizabeth for final review Rodney had stayed up the entire night before hand making changes that Kavaaugh would never know about because he was a sloppy worker when in that position. Rodney couldn't tell him off or point out his mistakes for fear of invoking the cruelty he knew Kavanaugh was fully prepared to inflict upon him.

This situation was nothing new to Rodney. He had been in a state of perpetual fear and subservience to a few ever since his schooling years, he just thought that he would never have to put up with that here. He had always promised himself that he would never allow himself to be used like this, to be terrorised like he was, but whenever he thought about sticking up for himself and telling Kavanaugh where he can shove it, the possible (probable) consequences were too much for him to comprehend. Instead he put up with it, and forced himself to believe that it was better than what would otherwise happen.

"McKay, I know you are angry at me for what happened with the coffee and everything, but working with Kavanaugh? Surely it would have been more efficient to have us both working on the program, we could have done much of it from memory. It would have taken a few days rather than two weeks." Came the voice of Zalenka, who was half-way between annoyance and concern. McKay had always loathed Kavanaugh, but for the past couple of months they seemed to be working together a lot more than usual, even if the greasy one was completely at odds with the Canadian's style of work.

"It's good to have a fresh pair of eyes on the subject." Came the less-than-convincing reply.

"Yeah I'm sure. Don't endanger the expedition just because you hate me." He said, tilting more to the angry side now, fuming that McKay seemed to heed Kavanaugh more than him now. Rodney wheeled behind one of the consoles and popped the crystal tray open, unable to reply. Zalenka took this for a silence of contempt and stormed out, now actually angry, muttering obviously unpleasant things about Rodney in Czech.

The Canadian waited until Zalenka had gone out of the lab before his turned, leaned against the console and slid down in near-defeat.

_No! Don't say that!_ He thought manically to himself. _I couldn't hate you if I tried. Things are complicated, Radek… I can't expect you to understand, I can't imagine you would ever let yourself get into this situation… Oh God, what am I doing in this situation? Oh yeah, of course, how could I be allowed to forget, I got reckless. I shouldn't have to be so damn secretive anyway, but the one, ONE time I think it's ok to be a little slack, the worst of them all hits me in the face. Oh fuck, what am I doing?_

He screwed his face up in a small venting of frustration, but refused to let himself weep and masterfully willed the tears away. Approaching footsteps told him to clear himself up and get working on those crystals, and as he turned himself around to poke around the draw, he desperately prayed that it wasn't his least favourite person in the whole galaxy.


	2. Chapter 2

Fortune seemed to cut him a break this time, and a favourable face appeared over the edge of the console.

"Hello there Rodney!" Came the cheerful Scottish accent of Dr Beckett. The scientist looked up, so relieved that it wasn't someone else, a big lopsided smile spread across his face. "Wow, I don't think I've ever been greeted with such a smile from you!" Came the reply and Rodney immediately stood up, mood infinitely better.

"What can I do for you Doc?"

"I passed Radek on the way and he said you were in a bad way. I know you guys don't usually get much sleep when you're working on something big, but how much sleep have you actually had over the past week?" He said, face full of concern. Rodney's face dropped.

"Enough," He replied curtly.

"Rodney," Carson sighed "I'm not here as a doctor, if I was I'd have ordered you into the infirmary and sedated you, but I'm simply here as a friend who is concerned." He put on his very best concerned expression, and this seemed to play on the easily-defeated part of Rodney that was beginning to emerge.

"Fine, what do you want me to do?" He sighed resignedly.

"Just come out of this lab for a while. It's a lovely day outside; we could just sit on one of the balconies for lunch. You have no idea how good for you a little fresh air can be. People always dismiss it as an old wives tale, but I've seen it work wonders. I mean, I was brought up in Scotland – going away into the countryside is a cure in itself there!" He said, elated that he had actually managed to get Rodney out of the lab to rest with little apparent complaint or argument.

"Sure. What's for lunch?" the other doctor asked, closing the crystal drawer and wheeling back round the console.

"I don't know, but I know it'll be good – fresh supplies from the Daedelus arrived two days ago." He said as they walked out of the lab.

"They did?" Mc Kay confirmed, bemused and slightly distantly. Carson stopped and a dark look of concern clouded his face.

"You didn't know?" He asked, almost demanded.

"No…" Rodney replied and realised the hole he had dug himself.

"You of all people Rodney! And I thought that your appetite was the one thing that I would never have to treat! You really mean to tell me you haven't eaten in two days?" Rodney pondered how to get out of this one by confusing Beckett with semantics.

"I have eaten. Just not from the Daedelus supplies." He tried, faultering.

"Which means you've lived off powerbars and coffee for two days and a few hours sleep?" He said incredulously.

"Actually it was five."

"What?"

"Not a few hours, I got five."

"Rodney!"

"I know, I know. I've just had a lot to deal with recently." He continued the walking to the mess hall.

"Is there anything you want to talk about? I know I'm hardly Dr Heightmeyer, but I'm willing to sit and listen as a friend." He offered kindly. Rodney laughed, loudly, and ironically. Carson's eyes tinged with sadness.

"I'm sorry, Carson. It's nothing personal." He said, chuckling away the rest of what he found amusing, but it was slightly sad, and Carson was not so ignorant as to not notice.

"What is it then?" He asked. He hated seeing friends distressed, and to some extent he would rather them be in physical distress, because then he could have done something about it. But Rodney, when he didn't want to tell someone something he didn't to, he withdrew into himself and shut up like a clam, occasionally snapping at the poor person who was concerned.

"Personal to me." Came the short response and he turned into the mess hall and, Carson was relived to see, piled his plastic tray high with food. Carson himself had actually just eaten prior to Radek telling him about Rodney, but he grabbed a sandwich and a drink and an extra pudding for Rodney to make him feel better. He didn't know much about the complex aspects of psychology, but he knew that the way to Rodney's heart was through his stomach and a good ego-pampering, however Carson was only prepared to do the former.

They found their way onto a unpopulated balcony and sat down. The day was warm, but the breeze was cool and soothing. Rodney wolfed his food down after picking at it at first, Carson would have described it as 'inhaling' his food rather than actually eating it, but he wasn't about to complain – it was far better than solely powerbars from the two days previous.

For a long while they said nothing. The silence wasn't awkward in anyway, in fact Carson was glad simply to be there for his friend, and Rodney was glad just to be with some company. Rodney finished his mountainous food in breakneck time and then just sat back and closed his eyes. Carson was quite amazed at this transformation, from stroppy scientist to relaxed and almost painless, and Rodney was happy to be breathing fresh air, the air warmed him and the breeze cooled him when the sun got too much. For once he didn't complain about how the sun is giving him cancer or something, he just relaxed, and Beckett thought that for a moment that he could see the lines of worry and tension that had built up and dug into his face slowly begin to drift away when the crack of the radio brought him out of it. _Damn, I should have remembered to take them out._ Carson cursed to himself, if this was for McKay then he would never get any of the rest that he needed.

"Kavanaugh to McKay." Carson almost groaned out loud, the one scientist that got on everyone's nerves, especially the physicist's.

"What?" Came Rodney's reply.

"Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be reconfiguring the crystals in this console so we could get on with getting it fully functional again." Came the bossy and horribly arrogant tone. Carson's eyes flared up in anger and when to touch the radio to reproach the other scientist when Rodney waved the Scotsman's hand down, saying "Don't" Carson abided by his wishes and waited for the ticking off of a lifetime from McKay, but it never came. He wondered whether it was the bright light of the sunshine or what, Carson swore Rodney paled.

"I've just finished lunch. I'm on my way." He got up to go, his expression a face of worry.

"Rodney!" Carson called, with a searching expression of worry. McKay turned and looked back, he was back to his former self before the lunch, agitated and ill-looking, despite the food. "Everything alright?" Rodney strained a weak slight smile and jogged off. Carson was left, frowning and worried.

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TKCB: Hope you are enjoying the story so far, don't forget to review and let me know!


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